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2003-03-24 - 12:33 a.m.
goddamnit, then why am i still single?? am i that fucking gross?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY DO I SUCK SO MUCH? i hate this. i'm sad. i hate that the war started. i cried a lot when i heard, i just walked into the becky court house and felt this wave of melencholy feelings and the radio was on and i walked into the kitchen and saw stephen and he was all "the war started" and i couldn't speak. i still can't believe that it started. people are dying, i'm still having fun and shit and i feel so guilty for even smiling and thinking about petty things like how i'm 18 and still single and will always be single and stupid shit like that. i also feel confused because of all the viewpoints at the SAL's meeting today, i agree with Mitsy and Omar and Fry/Fri (i dunno how to spell anything, damnit) but certain things i disagree. like i agree with graffiti in protests but vandalism, no cause i dont think it sends a message but i think that you can't fight violence with violence, but i'm all for smashing the system cause i hate the system and i feel guilty for buying that fucking bra that lyta and debbie wanted me to get cause it was from a fucking corprate place that i really didn't want to go to in the first place, fucking victoria secrets of all places and i'd rather ace bandage my boobs down than wear a fuckign bra, i'm about ready to burn the thing, hell why don't i burn all the capitalist shit i have right now, i'll even burn the computer. goddamnit, I SUCK. FUCK.
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