i got back from Sacramento yesterday. i kept a log on one piece of paper in tiny writing. im also sick, i caught something nasty in Sac during the 4 days i was there. uhhg. It was hard work, but great fun. Even harder for those who got arrested, which i was lucky to escape. i was also vegan for about 2 days and vegetarian for the whole trip, thanks to eating mostly food not bombs stuff and rice crackers. didnt even eat much of the trail mix, and defenantly not any of the m+m's that were in it, i just ate the peanuts, heh. woo. well here's the long ass entry of everything that happened in sac that i witnessed. woo.

6/21/03

Got to sac in the evening, thanks to Lana and Stacey. Stopped off at welcome center. Saw smitty at the door and said hi and stuff. got a map. Got to Emily's where we all were crashing to drop off stuff. Went to summer solestice ritual/spokes council meeting. got bored, went with mitsy and omar to walk around the city and scope out the place. Found bathroom at some emo coffee shop that had a show going on and peed. FELT MUCH LIGHTER. Walked around more. Downtown sac was CRAWLING with cops. Went back to Emily's and slept after listening to an hour of my drunken comerades having fun. was too tired to do anything else but lie down.

6/22/03

woke up at around 8 (yuck). Fell asleep again and woke up at 9. Helped to get Stephen up by using silly bird call. others poked him with sticks. haha. Played with Emily's cats. Went to Sac for the march that day. NOT LEGAL MARCH. Walked to covergence point. IT'S FUCKING HOT IN SACRAMENTO. Bandanas went up instantly. Cops were everywhere. Marched. Went in circles, cops hearded us around. Ran a lot to get away from pigs. Lots of dumpsters turned over by black bloc. Cops tried to box us in. Cops were overly armed. Had guns with rubber plugs, tear gas, and tazers. stupid pigs. Marched to the community garden that the city is gonna turn into condos for rich fucks. Cops got real mad and told us to leave. People stayed and gardened. Others went downtown to lure cops away from the garden. Stayed at garden with courtney and ilene. Walked around garden and picked some plums. went downtown to find the rest of the "becky court" peeps. cops had boxed in lots of protesters on the sidewalk. Mike was trapped in there. Smitty had gotten out just in time. Re-grouped with other protesters on a corner and ran through alleyway away from cops to get around to the other side. Got word that mike had been hauled into the cop shop. Trecked back to welcome center. Had dinner courtesy of FNB. Went to pick up patrick (gilman kid) from train station. went to emily's to drop shit off. went back to sac at night to support the gardeners getting arrested. one person was tree sitting and they had to pull him/her down. most likely they tazed the protester to do that. assholes. took lots of photos of gardener protesters getting hauled off into the bus. Went back to emily's for bed. had long talk outside with courtney and patrick and skylar. then, zzzzzzzz.

6/23/03

woke up and mobilized at welcome center. Smitty is now calling himself "sharkbait". Walked to convergence point. Met up with everyone, including Robin from gilman and his brothers and my friend kevin from san diego that i met at another protest! Waited around a lot, and watched kids kill the pinatas that sals had made. Mobilized with black bloc. did LEGAL march with black bloc. had to link up cause fucking cops were nabbing people out of the march for nothing. Flipped them off for doing so. March was done. Re-grouped at capitol building, black bloc tried to rush but cops caught us and pushed us back. Ran to the street and took the street for a bit, but cops surrounded us and pushed us back on the sidewalk. A few were arrested. Black bloc had spokescouncil meeting on grass in park. broke up into affinity groups and disscussed. sals discussed what to do but before we could all go back to report at the spokes, "teenage mutant ninja turtle" cops surrounded the group of protesters sitting next to us just cause they were in black and had bandanas on. they were just sitting and talking too. Crowd surronded the circle of cops and began screaming "let them go" and "go home" at the cops. Cops pulled out tazers. Got surrounded by huge circle of cops. Locked down. Kept yelling. Cops started grabbing people(At some point, cops had nabbed smitty but i had no idea until the next day) and threatened many with tazers. Cops started to taze people and one person had a heart attack from a tazer shock. Another was shocked and beaten but crowd pulled her back in. Eventually, cops got pushed back to the sidewalk and went away. We had a very small victory! Had to take off mask to get past the cops that surrouned us though, they werent letting anyone with masks on through. Lost Patrick and Robin and gilman kids. looked for them, couldn't find them. got scared that they had gotten hauled off to the cop shop. Went back to welcome center to re-group. Black bloc headed downtown two groups split up and went different ways, but later i heard the other group got ambushed and some were arrested (including kevin). Witnessed arrest of pagan woman with shirt off. Cops wouldn't give her shirt back to her when arresting her until protesters complained angrily. It took forever to get her shirt back and we were only there for the end of it. Sat infront of some big building in the shade to rest. Some punk guy hit on me while passing by. he was cute, hehe, but i was too tired and oblivious to realize it until lana pointed it out. got embarassed. called mom to check in. some people talked to the media guy who was there just to take pictures of people getting hurt to sell them. what a fucking creep, i wanted to beat him more than the pigs at that moment.went to next convercence point at the city mall. Nobody showed up cause most had been pushed back to the welcome center or something. Couldn't find smi-sharkbait and started to worry. Went back to Emily's, was so worried about kids and smitty that didnt eat all day practically except for rice crackers and water. Watched news, saw mitsy running past the camera and had a good laugh. Patrick called to say that they didnt get arrested, they just took the train home without telling me. called marie to say what's up. called mom again, gonna visit grandma after the whole protest is over. Feeling sick and tired. Went to bed.

6/24/03

Went to rally to free Red-Red, who had gotten arrested earlier and charged with a felony. Marched around the police station/jail. Rallied in front of the cop shop afterwards. Cops were everywhere carring stupid sticks and guns. Food not bombs came to give us lunch. Cops were obviously jealous so some teased them. Can't say that i didnt tease them about their sticks and guns before hand though. Red-red's charges were dropped, but found out that Smitty i mean sharkbait HAD been arrested yesterday during the craziness in the park with black bloc yesterday. Nobody knew any information about what happened to him. Got out of the insanity in front of the police station to get to next converngence place, the garden. Cops had already surrounded it. Chilled in the park and played on the swings and structure with stephen and grace and sean and mike(who got out of jail yesterday, but has a court date on monday now :( damn pigs, they'd better drop the charges). People in the park split off in different directions and confused the fuck out of the cops. Eventually everyone got to the parking lot. People did crazy hippie pagan dancing in the parking lot. I did some chalking with holly. good times. cops decided to make up laws and say it was illegal to be in a public parking lot. boxed us in on the sidewalk. Cops looked like stormtroopers so pattycakes patrick started humming the empire theme from star wars as they marched by. People started chanting "there's no riot here, take off all that stupid gear" at the cops. also yelling "this is shit" at the cops. They wouldnt let us go back to the welcome center for dinner even until we started doing lots of "repeat after me" facts. Cops "escorted" us back to welcome center. assholes wouldnt let us go left though and people got mad cause we had to turn left to go to the welcome center. Finally after much complaining, cops let us go left and back to welcome center. FNB gave us the best fucking dinner EVER. Vegetable stew-like stuff, rice pudding and tofurkey salad or something. Damn. Still worried about smitty. Some girl got a call on her phone, some people had been released!!! I yelled "what about smitty??" and SMITTY HAD BEEN RELEASED!!!! Jumped for joy. Met other east bay peeps that know smitty too and waited around for him to come back. Tackled smitty when he got off the bus, and found out that kevin was also released! YAY. Went to the protest benefit show. Saw the cabbage theater group or something and some hip hop groups. Was too hot in the theater though so left early with holly to walk around and get ice cream. Shared a quart in the parking lot with holly, grace, mike, and stephen. my treat to them. sooo good. :) Went to Holly's house to stay the night cause Emily had somewhere to go. Went to bed soo fast.

6/25/03

Went to grandmas and then went home. Im so fucking sick right now and i feel so tired. the end.

TO ALL WHO WANTED TO BE THERE TOO, IT'S TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T AND WE MISSED YOU ALL. COULD'VE USED THE RE-INFORCEMENTS, BUT WE ALL UNDERSTAND! AINT NO POWER LIKE THE POWER OF THE PEOPLE CAUSE THE POWER OF THE PEOPLE DONT STOP!!!!!!!!

Marie, Josh, Espirit, and any other activists that couldnt make it that i know, i wish you were there, you would've made it a million times more enjoyable cause i love you all so much. :) And danny should've been there too cause i missed you and you would've had fun too.

2003-06-21 - 1:51 a.m.

i saw the contracepticons at gilman today...or actually yesterday, it's past 12. but yay. the show rocked. i worked stamp. i got to stamp people's hands. fun fun fun fun fun.

but the cons rocked, but the pit sucked.

i have a new band i like, endless struggle. they were good. yay.

heading up to sacramento tomorrow. WOO HOO!

2003-06-20 - 12:52 a.m.

obviously i dont...im serious how?? phh, not at all. HAH. well maybe. HAH.
You are the playful pin-up! Do you know how to be
serious?

What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-19 - 5:27 p.m.

WOW. YESTERDAY ROCKED.

My band's set sucked ass, but poor boone was sick so he was all tired and feverish when he was playing. we did good for having a sick bandmate.

midnightmare rocks my socks. yeah. their cover of the blottos Dead Alive was great. complete mayhem. woo.

SPAG's set rocked too, Nikki was amused that marie and me were singing along to one of the songs. hehe.

8BX ROCKED MY SOCKS YET AGAIN!! We hung out with Paige in the van after the show while the last band, fist fuck was playing. It was cool. Also talked to Evan a lot before that, we were outside and he told his crazy stories and stuff and how he is getting married cause he proposed to his girlfriend while drunk and on ecstacy. Then some bug attacked my neck and i went all crazy and shit, hahahaha. I think i scared Evan for a bit, i was pretty insane that night for not being drunk at all.

The ranch we stayed at was cool. The dog, Mickey came in and woke us all up at 9. Uhhhg. oh well, cute puppy.

I just wish Danny had stayed there longer, it was so nice of him to take David home. but yeah. im tired. and yesterday rocked.

Your world is black. Lighten up everything isn't as
bad as it seems. Maybe if you turned on a
light, and came out of your cave you would see
the world for what it is.

What color is the world you live in?
brought to you by Quizilla

what a surprise. HAH. sounds appropriate to me i think. damn im still tired and i gotta get up early to make it in time to be around lots of little kids at a pre-school summer session. woo.

2003-06-18 - 12:09 p.m.

here we go...about 2 hours until loading up. gotta give tony's band a call and then it's all set. *WHOOT*

This show had better rock, i hauled ass and tore my hair to put the fucking thing together.

2003-06-17 - 11:32 p.m.

i am talking to danny and marie and debbie and josh (debbie's josh, not my pal, josh simms). it is very funny cause we are all in the same goddamn chatroom.

but at the same time i feel like slitting my wrists and just ending it all.

why do i get involved in anything? My life is a dead end street in the middle of town and my destiny lies within the dumpster of the house right in front of me.

i hate my heart. i need to get it removed. i need to get my hormones removed as well. it feels like someone is slicing open my heart and my eyes are fucking watering like hell.

im so emo. no im so goth cause i keep talking about dead things. heh, goth kids are just emo kids gone wrong.

HAH, i crack myself up. no im lying im just crying like fuck. where's that self-destruct button when i need it?

2003-06-17 - 12:14 a.m.

"just hold on to these words, i think that they may offer some protection against the night. Against the night, light may be transparent, a reflection, a trick of light. So when sleep just wont come and you've got no occupation but nibbling at the fruit of the meloncholy tree, just hold on to these words, hold on to me." --Jason Webley

2003-06-15 - 9:29 p.m.

I AM FUSTRATED.

MY BAND HAS TO PLAY FIRST ON WEDENSDAY. ARRRG!! We so didnt wanna do that. I mean i put together the fucking show and we dont wanna play first. But we have to cause spag just called and said they were gonna be late. GODDAMNIT.

Gilman was fun last night. I worked so I didn't pay. I really like helping out but im so fucking shy all the time. Bleh. Im gonna start helping out on a regular basis though. yeah.

Danny was there. I was really glad he was cause i wanted to see him. I've gotten to the point where i miss him when he's not around, which is really bad.

And Danny wants sex. he isnt content with just cuddling and shit. what the fuck is up with that? damnit, there's no pleasing him. there's just no pleasing him. i cant please anyone, goddamnit. i failed my parents already by being a music major, and now i cant even do this "friends with benefits" thing right. the bottom line is: I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX. i gotta take shit slow and i dont want anyone fucking pushing me to do shit i dont wanna do.

It's fustrating, at the same time i care about danny and shit but i also really dont wanna get attatched or involved too much that i give him my "flower". I dont think i want that "birthday present" he was gonna give me.

Fuck, i got my head on straight but the ground is shaking so i'm off balance and i dont know what to do.

2003-06-14 - 11:33 a.m.

I am 19 today. *WHOOT*

i want to go to this show at warm water cove cause it's my birthday and flag burning day but everyone else wants to go to the phenomenauts. and im gonna start working at gilman tonight too so it sucks cause i cant go now.

oh well. at least it'll be fun cause friends will be there tonight. i hope danny is there. bleh.

happy flag burning day to everyone.

2003-06-13 - 12:07 a.m.

today was insane. went to telegraph with debbie and marie. met up with danny for lunch. gave leftover lunch to hungry guy on the street. he was very thankful. debbie and marie went home. i went back with danny to his place. he thinks im holding back, i just dont know what to do. it was a little fast today. been feeling weird ever since i came back. nerves are overly sensitive and aware for the time being or something. i got the shivers or something, hah. and im dizzy. weird. just weird. it was nice though. just a bit fast. brrrrr. shivers.

when i came home, mom gave me one of "the talks". she knew what was up, goddamnit. smart mommy.

note to self: danny is fucking HOT when he plays the guitar.

anyhoo im tired and still feeling all weird. i need to take a shower, i STILL smell like danny. as well as everything else i've done this week. im such a dirty crusty punk hippie. way to label yourself, jen. HAH.

shit, josh is drunk? that's so unlike him...im really worried. for him to be drunk means something is wrong. now im all worried sick about that crusty fuck. i take things too seriously, UHHG, so american! UHHG!!! heh, danny and me were talking about that in the car earlier.

but now i gotta see if josh will talk to me, im worried about him.

2003-06-10 - 10:27 p.m.

*sigh*

everything sucks today. the gig got canceled, then i saved it, and now its at some house that i dont even know at all...joey knows the peeps but yeah.

STRESS!!!! My shoulders hurt like fuck.

I visited my grandma today. I vacumed her house, and then painted the wall outside. I had to hack open the paint can with an axe though so i decided to use up the paint by re-painting her fence. It was nice to see her, and im glad to have helped her out. she was very pleased.

anyhoo, im just dead.

i think that im a zombie now i guess...heh. braaaains...

2003-06-09 - 12:11 a.m.

june 18th is gonna rock around the clock tonight, gonna rock rock rock till the broad daylight. that is if joey didnt fall back and cancel it.

anyhoo...things aren't so scary with danny anymore, no raping going on so im hoping the dreams will subside.

i wrote another song. woo. gonna sit down and write a tune tomorrow.

im just gonna chill. just gonna be laid back and not stress but who am i kidding im gonna tear my hair out about every single fucking thing in the world jesus fucking christ i wanna just kill something right now i wanna be sedated i wanna be sedated i wanna be sedated i wanna be sedated i wanna be sedated i wanna be sedated...time for bed.

goodnight.

2003-06-07 - 2:27 p.m.

im really confused and scared and not really alive right now i think.

i kinda wish i was a zombie, then i could just wander the earth searching for brains, life would be much simpler.

so yeah, made out with danny again yesterday. it was nice. again. but i keep having these bad dreams that feel like preminitions or something. i keep feeling like something bad is gonna happen and that danny is gonna be the one that makes it happen. it's really scary, i mean i have these horrible dreams where he's raping me and such and it's no fun. which is why i seriously wont drink with him. and alex promised to drink with me eventually anyways, but im not even so sure if i wanna do that. i dont wanna be out of control, i like having some sort of conciousness amidst my insanity.

but anyhoo, my band has a gig soon, june 18th santa rosa food not bombs. im excited, but there's still that dread that keeps looming over my good mood. danny, why won't you get out of my head??? cant stop thinking about the bastard. hah.

good job, jen. you just got yourself into some deep shit. no cutting. no more of that self-mutilation shit, but it's hard...i cant think straight.

It feels like im Rain in that resident evil movie i saw a few days ago...damn i love zombie movies even if they suck, but she gets bitten and she cant focus and shit and i dunno. lately i feel like i've been bitten by a zombie or something. i just cant think straight, im confused, in pain, and just...vunerable? my least favorite thing to be is vunerable. the cause of infection though? i think danny. great. just great. FUCK.

well if my skin starts rotting...let me know before i eat your brain.

2003-06-04 - 9:40 p.m.

STOLEN FROM DANNY DELINQUANT. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The soundtrack to the movie of your life survey:

[OPENING CREDITS] Yesterday,The Beatles

[CAR DRIVING SCENES] they ignore peaceful protest, aus rotten

[HIGH SCHOOL FLASHBACK SCENE] On the outside, oingo boingo

[NOSTALGIC SCENE] Lost in the supermarket, the clash

[BITTER/ANGER SCENE] people suck, toxic narcotic

[MAD AT FRIEND SCENE] sick and tired, 8BX

[BREAKUP SCENE] Bye Bye Brain, Groovie Ghoulies

[NIGHTCLUB SCENE] Blackeyed Blonde, Red hot chili peppers

[FIGHT/ACTION SCENE] penguin attack, gwar

[BREAKDOWN SCENE] Jaded, Op Ivy

[SCARY SCENE] everything you can think of is true, tom waits

[DEATH SCENE] Pool Shark, Sublime

[FUNERAL SCENE] If I die tomorrow, David Rovics

[CHEER UP SCENE] wash away, TSOL

[DRUG SCENE] i cant take my alchohol, the blottos

[DANCING ALONE IN YOUR ROOM SCENE] The Greatest Working Class Ripoff, Crass

[MELLOW SCENE] Pressure Free, Nada Surf

[DREAM ABOUT SOMEONE SCENE] Chill, Bully

[SEX SCENE] hella nervous, gravy train

[PONDER/CONTEMPLATION SCENE]another day, crimpshrine

[CHASE/HURRY SCENE]blank wave arcade, the faint

[HAPPY LOVE SCENE] Boom Swagger Boom, murder city devils

[HAPPY FRIENDS SCENE] misty days, buju banton and rancid

[CLOSING CREDITS] Punk Is Dead, Crass

fuck that was hard. took me awhile. fuck it, like i had anything better to do. HAH. i hate having such a tormented mind...why must i be tormented so much all the time? its like it never ends.

the one thing they forgot in that survey is: [dramatic scene with lots of people singing a song like in magnolia] and that would be Agains the Night by Jason Webley of course.

 

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